I once had a school choir conductor who said “If you are going to fail, fail loudly”. That comment has stuck with me throughout my life and is apt for this moment.
I have officially failed my handicap goal of 29 by the end of July. As someone who does not like to fail, this irks me somewhat. However as we all know, golf is a game we play that takes our commitment, determination and efforts and sometimes rewards us and other times chuckles as we are slowly beaten down shot by shot.
I had a game plan. I practiced regularly and knew that if I returned to a course that I consistently played well on it would only take one good round to drop the last 0.2 shots and hear the roaring applause of success in my own mind and write up the glorious Golf Manager update that beckoned my name.
Was it not my destiny?
With one day left before my deadline I decided to hit the course even though I did not have a playing partner and therefore would not be able to submit my score. I desperately wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.
I had a fantastic warm up on the range. My swing was on point and I felt good. With a dozen balls left to hit the rain started.
I made my way to the 1st tee pondering on how I enjoy playing in the rain and I find it calming. After scores of 1 point, 1 point, wipe on the first three holes I was no longer feeling uplifted. My little self talks of “You can do this, there is still time to pull it together…” did not provide the result I intended. By the 6th hole I was soaked, cold and looking at a card that was not only inadmissible but demoralising. Without a playing partner to share the experience with the thought of “Why are you even doing this?!” washed over me. This thought timed well with my journey down the 7th hole that offered a view to my car which sat alone in the car park and offered two basic human needs that I was currently without; shelter and warmth.
In that moment I decided to release myself from my hopeless determination, embrace defeat and accept that life and golf will go on.
I would like to thank Jason and Rick who played rounds with me in July. Although I didn’t achieve success I am not far away and look forward to breaking 30 soon.
My current focus point is increasing my consistency which will bring a drop in my handicap with it.
I hope you have achieved more success this month than I did!
Goal: 29 Previous GA: 30.9 Current GA: 30.2
Rounds played: Ivanhoe 35 pts | Ivanhoe 27 pts