Why comedian Danny Katz loves Caulfield South
Here’s why comedian Danny Katz is proud to call himself a daggy Caulfield Southian.
St Kilda was the suburb for us. St Kilda reflected our arty grungy boho sensibilities. St Kilda was where we decided to buy our first home … and then we looked at the house prices and we bought in Caulfield South.
My beloved and I had to toss away our arty grungy boho dreams and step into the ultra-daggy middle-class weatherboarded picket-fenced Sunday-lawnmowing epicentre of the universe.
Melbourne comedian, columnist and author Danny Katz.
Slowly we transformed into fully naturalised Caulfield Southians. No more funky fashionwear for us – nope, now we wore tracky-dacks around the house, and down the street, and even out for dinner (though of course we’d wear our best pair with the elasticised ankle-cuffs, we still had style).
No more trendy inner-city restaurants for us. Nope, now we dined local at Somethin’ F’ Lunch – buy a schnitzel sandwich, feeds a family of four over two days.
No more hipster boutique-shopping for us. Nope, now we shopped in our own neighbourhood retail hub which boasted three costume-hire shops, 15 pharmacies, and about 2000 Beauty & Nail Salons all with creepy plastic hands in the window and a sign out front saying ‘Upper-lip wax $10, half upper lip $6’, just in case you had a hankering for that highly desirable furry half-upper-lip Caulfield-Southian look.
It grew on us, this suburb. We started to get it. We learned to avoid the petrol heads hooning up and down the streets, all over 80 years of age, terrorising the footpaths in their turbo-charged motorised wheelchairs.
We learned to make the deadly right-hand turn from Glenhuntly Road onto Kooyong Road, with the florist on one corner and the funeral parlour on the other, both angling for incoming business.
We learned to mow our lawns really early on Sunday mornings: front, back, and even nature strip (but just our own nature strip. We’d never mow our neighbour’s nature strip. That’d be taking away their Sunday fun).
Eighteen years we’ve been here and just lately I’ve noticed Caulfield South is starting to change. Exotic restaurants are opening, hipster shops are springing up, and the Sunday lawnmowers are becoming considerate and waiting until at least 10am before revving up their mowers.
The place is getting arty and grungy and undaggy… and to be honest, I kind of like things the way they were.
Danny Katz is a Melbourne comedian, columnist and author.