The 28 cardinal sins of commuting
Commit at your own risk
1. Talking on your mobile phone at the top of your voice
We don’t care how your Tinder date went or how annoying, lazy or narcissistic your boss is. If you must make or take a phone call, try to keep it short, sweet and, above all, hushed.
2. Leaning on the poles
Give your fellow commuters something to hold on to.
3. Hogging the rails
If you’re a tall person who can reach the overhead bars but you’re using the pole or rail, swap with that awkwardly teetering shorter person.
4. Wearing your backpack
For the love of gouda, take it off. It’s uncomfortable enough being squashed on a peak-hour train, without someone’s backpack jabbing you in the ribs/face/back.
5. Ditto handbags
Hold them in front of you or put them on the floor. And if you don’t want to put your Armani arm candy on the ground – don’t bring it. Sitting down? Your handbag belongs on your lap, not the seat next to you.
6. Hitting the volume without headphones
Nobody wants to hear the oontz-oontz of your crappy pop music crackling from your crappy phone speakers, nor do they care about whatever bombshell was dropped on last night’s Love Island.
7. Not giving up your seat
Pretending you’re too busy on your phone to notice that elderly, pregnant or disabled person who needs it is no excuse.
It’s a train/tram/bus, not your couch.
9. Hanging by the doors
Moving down the aisles instead of crowding near the doors will maximise standing room. Simple.
10. Eating on the train
Especially hot, smelly or pungent foods.
11. Over-the-top personal hygiene, or not enough
Use deodorant but don’t reek of perfume/cologne/Lynx. People have allergies. And, if you're feeling a bit sniffly, bring some tissues. We didn't ask for free tickets to your symphony of snorts concert.
12. Not taking the window seat
Don’t sit on the aisle and make people try to climb over you. Only going one stop? You probably don’t need the seat.
13. Shoving your way onto, off or along the aisles on public transport
This is a surefire way to aggravate fellow travellers.
14. Trying to hold the doors open
This will just result in an angry announcement from the train, tram or bus driver.
15. Using the bus/train/tram like it’s your bathroom
We can't believe we need to say this but, please, no clipping your toenails on public transport (or, in public, just generally). And, yes, this happens.
16. Pushing off the train like you’re the only one with somewhere to be
During peak hour we all need to disembark the same way we do when we’re leaving an aeroplane – one at a time.
17. Giving your feet their own seats.
They can rest on the floor like everybody else’s.
18. Leaving your leftovers behind
Take your rubbish with you. Nobody needs a smelly apple core rolling around the carriage all day.
19. Holding your doorway spot when the doors open
Step off for a few seconds to let others off, then get back in.
20. Noising it up in the V/Line quiet carriage
It's called the quiet carriage for a reason.